Vague Notes on a Monday

Toeing the line of 30, I find myself in the home stretch of what has been a hellacious year. To be even more accurate, the last six years could be summed up as sheer agony and hell, which I attribute to being young and naive at the time this all started. Or perhaps it is because I was---and still am---an idiot. After a trip through graduate school, a year of writing dark punk rock songs in the vein of Alkaline Trio and two years slinging produce for a living, I am now closer than ever to having some semblance of an "agreeable job." Of course, reaching this point has not been without its challenges. It is those challenges that compel me to write at the moment...

I have come to find that life is largely a bureaucratic experience. The things we want, the things we aspire to be, are wrapped tightly with red tape, and any attempt to cut through this proverbial bondage is an act of futility. And so I have come to accept this, though somewhat begrudgingly, as the rebellious alterna-kid inside of me will perhaps never be content to not stoke some idealistic fire. At any rate, despite being on the cusp of a new chapter in life that potentially has great things in store, I still find myself tired and unmotivated. Not because I lack an interest or passion for what it is I aspire to do, but because I am, for lack of a better expression, bummed out by this bureaucracy.

Perhaps the definition for an intelligent person should be someone who is cognizant of this reality, but who accepts it, deals with it and moves on. That is the person I aspire to be, because I am aware of the less-than-stellar prospects awaiting people who are already grumpy before they're old.

As is par for the course, I don't know that there is a point to what I am saying. Perhaps I am just checking in and saying hello. I am reminded of an old saying: Wherever you go, there you are. I think that's what this is. I'm hanging in there, but in classic idealist fashion, I still choose to sneer at "the system" while doing so. Maybe it's stupid. Regardless, I need another cup of tea, so I'm going to cash out for the evening. Cheers.